hais.

Complain Queen SH!

I seriously feel like the cat. Oh..why can't i just stay in the position forever? I'm tired, tired of sch..tired of everything. Feel like dying. I've been just so disgusted by ppl who try to influence me or rather just impose their thoughts on me. WTF!!! I wanted to keep on swearing initially..n I wanted to vent out my anger, but lack a good outlet. Truely, i cant even find time to learn kickboxing, tt i tot would be a good outlet to vent daily frustration. Nor can i shout too, cuz i would scare others with my high pitch? Damn..crying seems to be the only way out, if only it doesnt make my eyes seemingly smaller. Damn Damn. So, I prayed and prayed for a way out of my frustration.

Then, I thought of a method i came across in my favourite book. Write a letter to yourself!! From your compassionate side.!

yeah, indeed, it could well work out. I've many sides that well, perhaps even I cant show or even manage it.

Angelic SH to Complain Queen SH:

Jia you JIa you, ok. Never say die!! ROAR! i do want to hais, as u wish. But well, why not imagine u have time on your side. Pause here. Imagine what you would do right now, if u are FREE?ok, then. Start now. Learn TKD. Spar with the fucking ppl I hate and knock their teeths out. hmm..Fly to beijing and watch the olympics, hopefully with bill ....sitting infront me. Haha. hmm, fly to USA, dreamworks. yah, rob a bank ? Damn, i just wana have all the money in the world. But well, what good will it do? hais. It wont solve the problem in my life.

yeah, indeed. I m seeking for the COURAGE to carry on in my quest. I've been working hard, and so I deserve a break here and them. People, no matter who they are, they just are. BE YOURSELF, hear your own voice and encouragement. Make a forceful proclaim and rmb ur biggest pleasure is to make the world your playground. Though ppl all ard are all highly critical of u..or well, they appear to be so. But arent you yourself highly critical, too? Yeah,u probably realise it. TOO CRITICAL..it's like a adult disease spreading ard..u do stop it in times at times. But it;s taking its toll on you..it kills creativity and the BEA-SILLY SPIRIT.. yeah, so what if u r 18? you can still perserve the child-like innocence within u, while having to learn the image of being a wise and credible young adult.. U knew it, your wants are pulling u apart. Then, just let it go. Return to a state of 0 expectation. Perhaps, not that fast or rather drastic.

Yes, it's just about carrying on the journey, doing what u ought to do: responsibilities. yes, i heard your struggling and groanning this right moment. But well, Push it away. Fill my encouragements in. It's time to let me take over, that well, ahem useless side. Oppms, i forgot i m suppose to be angelic. yeah.. u know..use love to touch the ppl u hate. Oh, well, i mean the devillish side dislikes. yeah, u know the best thing to digust ppl who are mentally imbalance is to treat them with compassion..of cuz genuine compassion. well.. cuz they would have thought to receive the same kind of revenge taken back. n so then, they can accuse u of being rude in the 2nd place; when they are actually doing it in the first place...

Poor sh, u deserve more than a hug. U deserve a $1 million tour ard the world, as well, as a blissful environment of school and home and a all As result slip. Certainly. U've been fighting hard to live up to the expectations and even exceeding expectations of ur family. U strived to be a good leader, inspire and apply creativity in all u do. You nv think twice about challenging the invisible rules in this society. U tried to raise the motivational level in ur cca. U are sad about giving late presents. You actually help to pay for people. You try to encourage ppl, there and then, though u may feel a little run down and confused urself. You always laugh, though when is nth really to be happy about..haha, i knew, to cheer urself up. Yes, u tried to live up to ur own expectations!! Is there anything more important or worthy ?

and u will and will always seek to continue in ur quest for urself, ur truest divine self. Won't you? Though dark, looming fears never fail to exist at the back of ur mind..Even when you seems to be losing ur sanity..or even when others insists u'nv had them..even when u urself seem to be afriad of falling into a bottomless dark pit, even when u don't recongnise urself animore. Even when u start to hate urself.

I trust u. As time will prove everything. It will all be gone. cuz nth stays forever. However, i m determined that your spirit will be for eternal. cuz I believe.